I've Missed You, Brother Mine
by xXAngel ShadowXx
Summary: "Even after all this time, all those years separated from him by an armored shell, he had not had the chance to make up for all that time apart, to share a closeness that fate had denied them for years." NO ELRICEST Just brotherly love.


The dream was the same every night.

Alphonse Elric opens his eyes, and all around him, the darkness had spread, engulfing him like a wave. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, all around him, over and beneath him; an empty darkness that was _feeding_ on him; devouring him alive.

Feeling fear clutch at his throat, he screams out, but no one answers. Desperate, he calls out the name of the one person whom he loves and cares about more than anyone else on either sides of the gate:

_BROTHER! WHERE ARE YOU? PLEASE SAVE ME!_

But there is no answer; there is never any answer.

Alphonse Elric is completely, utterly, alone.

And he cries, but only for one person.

He cries for Edward Elric;

And he never comes.

And as on all those other nights, Alphonse's eyes shot open, tears dribbling down the corners and dampening the skin near his ears. He shoots up from bed, panting heavily, his eyes darting around the room fearfully until they found the person they were searching for, snoring contentedly on the other side of the room.

Alphonse sighed, wiping away the tears from his cheeks and looking at his big brother, deep in the depths of a peaceful slumber. Still somewhat shaken from the dreadful nightmare he'd just re-experienced, Alphonse stood up on trembling legs and stepped tentatively to the edge of his big brother's bed. He did this every night, for it was the only way he could fully regain his composure. Being close to his brother, even unconcious, could always reassure him that the dream was not real, that they were together; that Edward had reclaimed him from the isolation and the unending solace that being in the armor had subjected him to. Alphonse knew that was the meaning behind the dream, that it represented those years, trapped, separated from the rest of humanity, and more importantly, Edward; the only thing he had left to live for.

Careful not to make a peep, Alphonse sat gently on the corner of Edward's bed, smiling as he watched his brother snore away.

"Brother, you just don't know how badly I've missed you..." He whispered. "I know we're back together now, but, we're always so pre-occupied with our lives I guess I never got the chance to tell you that."

Truthfully, what Alphonse longed for, deep inside his heart, was a wish that he never dared speak aloud. The memories that had come flooding back to him of the past years they'd seached for the stone had far a greater impact on him than he'd let on. He had remembered Ed's death, his blood pouring from his body, the horror that had drowned his soul as he witnessed it firsthand...and now here he was, years later, right in front of him. Alive. Well.

They were together at last.

Yet what Alphonse truly wished for, had still not come true.

The pain of those memories was still fresh, and he felt, honestly, as though he were still bearing it all alone. He hadn't shared the details with Edward, nor did he wish to even speak them aloud. He couldn't bear to voice them, to reaffirm that they were more than just memories, but their actual past.

Edward had died. Trying to save him. Alphonse grimaced as he recalled his nightmare, crying and crying out for his older brother to come save him, when he in fact had done so on more occasions than he could count.

He had sacrificed everything, and what had Alphonse sacrified? Nothing.

Edward would probably say otherwise he knew, but deep down, that's how he felt. He'd lost his body, yet had gained it back, while Edward was still without an arm and leg, though he never breathed a word aloud about trying to reclaim what he had lost. It was though he didn't even care. But Alphonse knew he must, to some extent.

He had given up on getting what he had lost, for Alphonse's sake, yet what had he sacrificed?

Tears stung his eyes as he said the answer aloud in the darkness of his mind.

"Nothing. I've given him nothing. I don't deserve to be by his side." Recalling the nightmare, him screaming out to darkness, bit at his conscience like a gnawing animal. "I know why he didn't come to me now. Because that's what I deserve, after all he's given up for me."

Teas streamed down his cheeks now, as that thought reverberated through his mind, haunting him like a ghost as the minutes past. Yet what he loathed even more was that even through the guilt that racked his soul, he still dared to want more from his brother, to release all the emotions that had been eating away at him for months now, to be close to his brother, to feel his warmth and his touch, to hear his heartbeat beneath his ear and feel his strong arms around his form. Even after all this time, all those years separated from him by an armored shell, he had not had the chance to make up for all that time apart, to share a closeness that fate had denied them for years.

Alphonse sighed though, knowing he could never speak those wishes to Edward. Though each day the pain mounted, and the wall he had formed around his emotions, the sole container of them now, crumbled away piece by piece each day, and soon threatened to devour him whole.

But that pain, he would conceal, because he knew he deserved it.

Yet, suddenly, he caught himself as he realized he had begun to sob quietly into his pillow. Alphonse stopped himself quickly, knowing he would rather die than wake up Edward at this time of night, for something so silly, so meaningless...

"Oh Edward..." He whispered into the soft material. "I'm so sorry...I wish I was stronger..."

"Hmm? Al? You awake?"

Alphonse froze as though he had just died on the spot. He held his breath. _No..._

"Al?" Edward groggy voice repeated.

_He...he can't see me like this! I won't be a burden to him anymore! I can't!_

_If I just keep quiet...he'll think I've gone back to sleep..._

But that wasn't what happened.

Instead, he heard Edward tread a few steps closer to his bedside. He felt as his brother's weight sunk into the bed. His heart thudded heavily, painfully.

It almost broke when he felt Ed's flesh hand on his shoulder.

"Hey Al, you know I can tell when you're faking it."

"I...I'm fine Brother." Al replied, struggling to keep his voice solid. "Just a bad dream."

"A bad dream huh? Well thats a first since we've been here."

But Alphonse could barely focus on his words, through the warmth that was seeping through his shoulder.

"C'mon Al, I think you'll feel better if you tell me about it."

"I'm okay Brother. I promise. Just go back to bed, please." Al pleaded, feeling his composure breaking.

"Al, I can tell you're still shaken. I can hear it in your voice."

"You-you're imagining things." _Damn, he's so perceptive._

"I don't think so," Ed said, the familar smirk creeping into his voice. Alphonse panicked as he felt an arm on his, he pulled away quickly. _So warm..._

This caught Ed's attention, and suddenly the smirk was gone. "Al, look at me."

_No! I can't!_

But the more he tried to ignore Ed, the harder he tugged on his arm.

"Al, please."

"I can't-!"

But before he could say any more he had been pulled upright, firmly yet gently, and now Ed was looking straight into his brother's tear-filled eyes.

Edwards own eyes grew large and round with confusion and fear. "Al, you're-you're crying."

"No! I'm f-fine! Brother please!" He could feel it, the chinks in the wall were growing larger, large pieces chipping away as more tears drew rivulets down his cheeks. "I...I can't do this anymore! I won't be a burden to you anymore!" He cried, buring his face back into the pillow.

"A...burden? Al, where is that coming from? You know you could never be a burden to me. You're my little brother."

"That dosen't change the fact that I've never done anything to help you!" Alphonse cried, voice half muted by the thick material of his pillow, but his words clear. "All I've ever done is cause you to risk your life for me, and you still don't have your limbs back, and its all because of me!"

Edward felt close to tears himself now, how long had his brother been sitting on those thoughts. He bit his lip as he moved closer to Al.

"Al, no...you can't seriously believe that. It's not true-"

"_I remember your death brother! You died trying to save me!_" Alphonse cried out, sobbing into his pillow harder. "I...I saw it all, I've had nightmares about it...so many times...and I couldn't do anything to help you except give you my own life after the fact, but you still died!"

"Al..." He moved closer to his brother, so much that his flesh arm now rested across his back. Alphonse could feel himself cracking inside...that warmth that he had craved on so many nights...

"I would give anything to keep you alive. My arm, my leg, myself. I don't care. I would do anything to keep you safe, and gladly so. You never have to feel guilty about it Al. You're much more than just a little brother to me. You're my best friend."

Al sniffed. "A selfish best friend."

"_No. _Al, you are anything but selfish, how could you ever think that?"

"B-because I am..."

Edward sighed. "Oh, Al..."

Then, he performed the one action that finally make Alphonse's heart snap in two.

Edward lightly kissed the back of his head, letting his own tears settle there.

"Alphonse, come here."

Al's heart began to race; the thought of his brother holding him was the one thing he had longed for since they had arrived on the other side of the gate, but he knew he could never-

"Al, please."

_Brother!_

Alphonse turned around, not daring to believe it was real, but there he was, Edward Elric, holding his arms open for him, his eyes glazed with tears as he pleaded again. "Al."

Then Alphonse could hold back no longer. The wall had finally crumbled.

"Brother!" Alphonse cried, hurling himself into his brother's waiting arms, his body heaving and quaking with sobs as he clutched on to Ed for dear life itself. This was it, what he had wanted for so long, it was finally a reality, and he planned to savor every moment.

"Alphonse..."

" I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Al let those words spill from him like a pitcher of water overflowing, "All this time...I've...I've had nightmares about being alone, and you never coming for me. I know I deserve it, but if anyone were to take you from me, I wouldn't be able to go on! I...I..."

"No Al." Said Ed firmly, lifting his brother's chin for him to look into his eyes. "Listen to me, you deserve everything I do for you, You deserve to live and be by my side. I couldn't imagine a life without you. " He held his hand tightly, lacing their fingers together.

"Why didn't you tell me you were suffering like this?"

Al hiccupped, wiping away his tears and resting his head against Ed's chest. "Because I didn't want to bother you with something so stupid. That's why."

"Al, stop talking like that. Please. Your feelings are not stupid." He looked straight into Alphonse's tear filled eyes, brushing some away with his flesh thumb. "You understand, Alphonse?" He said, firmly, yet softly, yet Alphonse did not respond.

Edward then pulled Alphonse into his lap, and began to rock him back and forth gently, like their mother used to do. He held his head close to his chest, so that his heart was just beneath Alphonse's right ear. Alphonse could feel his own chest tighten with emotion, his heart swelling with love. He never hd never imagined that his brother would ever hold him this way, so tenderly, as though he were a precious treasure that only he could protect."Brother..."

"Shhhh. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here Al...Just let it all out. I'll stay up with you all night if that's what you need."

"But-"

"Ah," Edward then put a finger on Al's lips and smiled that usual, familiar, easy smile. "No buts Alphonse. What your older brother says goes."

Alphonse felt more tears spill down his face, which was completely wet and damp with them by now. He buried his face back into Ed's warmth, the warmth he had missed for so many years...and cried softly.

"I...I missed you so much brother." He said softly, as Ed continued to rock him. "I can't remember the last time you held me like this, and, to be honest, I've wanted you to for a long time..."

Edward gasped softly. "Alphonse..." He gripped him tighter, now fighting back tears. "I can remember," He whispered, stroking Al's hair, "But it was so long ago, when mom died, and you couldn't sleep, I knew this would be the only way to get you to stop crying; if I held you this way.

"I guess I sort of wished we had been able to spend our reunion like this too. That armor had separated us for so long..." Edward looked down at his brother, lower lip quivering. "Alphonse...I should have realized that you needed this...and even more, that I needed this."

"Brother..." Alphonse felt ready to fall apart. Engulfed in his brother's arms, he felt as though nothing could ever harm him again. I...I love you brother...so much..." Alphonse whispered tightly.

Ed smiled warmly, stroking his brother's long chestnut hair away from his face, kissing his temple and holding him tighter.

"I love you too Al. But you gotta let me know when you need me, otherwise, how can I help you?"

Alphonse looked up at him then, his eyes liquid silver.

Ed sighed, shaking his head and smiling as he kissed Alphonse's forehead softly. "Will you promise me that you'll do that Al?"

Then it was Al's turn to smile; for he finally understood that it didn't matter to Ed how many times he had to come to his little brother's rescue, for what he felt was a sacrifice on Ed's part was simply a natural instinct of his brother to care for him, to hold him and let him know it was okay; that he was here and nothing would ever come between them again.

Alphonse looked up at Ed's rivulets of tears gliding down his cheek as he embraced Ed once more, happier than he had been in months.

"I will. Thank you brother."

Ed grinned, hugging Al back. The two of them lay back together on Al's bed, Al safely nestled in his big brother's arms. Somehow he new that Ed wouldn't be returning to his own bed that night, intent in making sure that Alphonse would sleep without the trace of a nightmare.

Alphonse smiled, feeling secure, safe, and loved. "Night Ed." He whispered, burying his face into Ed's chest, his eyelids beginning to droop closed."And thank you." He added sincerely, feeling sleep settle upon him once more, only this time, he knew it would be free of nightmares.

"No problem Al." Ed replied, pulling the covers over and around them, and closing his eyes. "Anything for my little brother."


End file.
